Sweet Comic Relief

(this page will be changed when I get around to it!)

You Live WhereWhen?

You live in California when . . .
   You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
   The high school quarterback calls a timeout to answer his cell phone.

   The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
   You know how to eat an artichoke.
   You drive to your neighborhood block party.
   When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.


   You live in New York when . . .
   You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
   You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
   You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
   You think Central Park is "nature."
   You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
   You've worn out a car horn.
   You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


   You live in Alaska when . . .
   You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
   Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
   You have more than one recipe for moose.
   Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
   The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

   You live in the South when . . .
   You get a movie and bait in the same store.
   "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
   After a year you still hear, "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
   "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
   Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Fay Ann


   You live in Colorado when . . .
   You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
   You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center to get her.
   A pass does not involve a football or dating.
   The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


   You live in the Midwest when . . .
   You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
   Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
   You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
   You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
   When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."

Old Jokes from previous months

Return to Roman's Ranch