The Archives

Nothing gets thrown away out here in the desert: it just blows away. So if you missed something from the monthly specials, chances are it blew over here.


Quotes        Axioms        Monthly Sites        Brain Teasers



Quotes

 

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical." -- Thomas Jefferson

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. -- Charles Kurault

Well, there's one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich -- T. Robbins

Money won't buy you happiness, but with money you can buy a really big yacht and pull up right next to it.
-- David Lee Roth

Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to. - Mark Twain

No amount of money can buy security, and if it could, it would be a bad bargain at any price, since security is a form of paralysis, just as satisfaction is a form of death. -- Tom Robbins

The biggest enemy of excellence is "good enough" -Gill Noble

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.  -Will Rogers                      

If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average. -- M.H. Alderson

"Most people are awaiting Virtual Reality; I am awaiting virtuous reality."- Eli Khamarov                        

"It's noble to be good. It's nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble."             -Mark Twain

"People tend the take everything too seriously. Especially themselves."----"Yep. And that's probably what makes 'em scared and hurt so much of the time. Life is too serious to take that seriously." -Tom Robbins, "Skinny Legs and All"

Jerusalem is not caught between a rock and a hard place. Jerusalem is a rock and a hard place. -Tom Robbins, "Skinny Legs and All"

What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other people's decisions for them? Liberty, the very opposite of ownership and control, cannot, then, result from political action, either at the polls or the barricades, but rather evolves out of attitude. If it results from anything, it may be levity.-Tom Robbins, "Skinny Legs and All"

"You can’t be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER."     - Frank Zappa -

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." --Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at." --George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline

Sometimes I wish I was what I was when I wished I was what I am now. (My father?)

Its never too late to have a happy childhood. -Tom Robbins

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." --Dan Quayle

"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" --George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." --Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in 1989

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." --Dan Quayle


Axioms

I would like to offer you the text of the commencement address given by author KurtVonnegut, Jr. to the 1997 graduating class at MIT.

Ganner's Mandate: If you think you can, or you think you can't, you are absolutely correct!

The Miner's Affirmation: Once you learn to love hell, you will be in heaven!

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view a problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Eng's Principle: The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

Noble's Dictum: The biggest enemy of excellence is "good enough"

Ganner's Admonishment: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up

Murphy's Paradox: Doing it the hard way is always easier

Blair's Observation: The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.

Berra's First Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

Hecht's Fourth Law: There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do. (Hear the cry: "I have not yet begun to procrastinate!")

Marks' Law of Monetary Equalization: A fool and your money are soon partners. (I always feel this way after paying my taxes!)

Ballance's Law of Relativity: How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

ADDENDUM TO MURPHY'S LAW: In precise mathematical terms, 1 + 1 = 2, where "=" is a symbol meaning, "seldom, if ever."

ELY'S LAW: Wear the right costume and the part plays itself.

LORD BALFOUR'S CONTENTION: Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

LAW OF PROBABLE DISPERSAL: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

FELSON'S LAW: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

THE LAW OF LIFE'S HIGHWAY: If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

BARUCH'S OBSERVATION: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

THE CARDINAL CONUNDRUM: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.


Monthly Special Sites

(just cleared the deadwood out, lots of expired links years later in 2009)

 

 


Brain Teasers & Answers

Dyslexic Dilemma: Can you select five letters and arrange them so that they spell words that are the opposite of one another? (Hint: the words both begin with "U") (Untie and Unite)

You are playing Wheel of Fortune and you have just bought a vowel. Vanna has to turn six letters. What is the word? (Hint: the vowel is "I") (Indivisibility)

A man rode a horse from New York to Los Angeles. He left on Wednesday, and arrived on the very same Wednesday. How is this possible? (His horse was named Wednesday)

What word is pronounced the same even after you have removed its last four letters? (Queue)

What five letter word has four personal pronouns in it? (Usher - us, she, he, her)

How many times does the letter "O" appear on the old standard phone dial? (Three - once above the number 6 and twice in the word "operator.")

Can you make just one word out of the following letters?
O  J  W  U  N  O  D  E  T  S  R (Just One Word)

Tomorrow, today will be yesterday and yesterday, today was tomorrow. When tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as close to Sunday as today was when yesterday was tomorrow. What day is it? (Wednesday)

What two fifteen letter words are spelled exactly the same with the exception of the first letter? (Rationalization and nationalization)

What English word contains three consecutive dotted letters? (Hijinks)

Shorthand Stumpers - Translate the following phrase: C C C C C C C (The 7 Seas)

What was the tallest mountain before Mount Everest was discovered? (Mount Everest)

If you have two coins that total 55, and one of them is NOT a nickel, what are the two coins? (A 50 piece and a nickel; one is a nickel, one is NOT.)

Ann and Mary are sisters. Ann is 24. Ann is twice as old as Mary was when Ann was as old as Mary is now. How old is Mary now? (Mary is 18. Six years ago Ann was 18 and Mary was 12.)

Here is a group of letters for Santa's mailbag. What holiday message do they convey? ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (Noel: No "L")

What is the longest one syllable word in the English language? (Strengths)

Three different numbers give the same result when added together as when multiplied. What are they? (1,2,3)

What's the only English word that begins and ends with "und"? (Underground)

If you have a 55 gallon oil drum that weighs 70 pounds when empty, and you fill it half full and it then weighs 35 pounds, what did you fill it with? (Holes)

Why was 6 afraid of 7? (Because seven ate nine (7-8-9))

If you spelled out the name of all fifty states, what is the only letter you wouldn't need? (Q)


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